This just another pictureless + long blog… don’t continue reading if you can’t stand reading essay

It has been a while since I last updated my blog.. again!!! OMG! I have nothing to update for 1 week… *sigh*.. well.. I do.. just that there are so many things I can’t just blog it out. When we grow older, we can’t just utter irresponsible words and be blunt  whenever we want, when we want. There are consequences of doing so. I’m not saying that it will hurt others’ feelings cuz it is all mainly about me… but is more like creating rumours/gossips/bring more trouble to me than solutions. *sigh* so.. better keep my mouth sealed…

Been super emo this few weeks.. Chinese New Year is around the corner.. sister is coming back tomorrow… done with my new hair style, fingernails… but all these didn’t cheer me up.. cuz emotionally I’m distracted. I’m waiting for just one good news. One great news to kick start my year 2010. It is so intensed that I have dreams everyday, every night, every time I close my eyes to rest/nap/sleep. Yes, I’m in depression. Serious one. For those who are close to me, they know what happened to me. But I doubt they know things have been so serious in me. Well.. so serious till I can’t sleep. Yes I do sleep. But I couldn’t have the feeling that I have ever slept at all. Just feel tiredness in me. =___=||| How I wish I could have one dreamless night? How I wish I could have one good news now? It is just a small request. But… I still haven’t received it.

Things aren’t going pretty well for me… well… not in my thought… I do want to have positive thinking.. but.. there is really nothing to cheer me up. Even my stupid new Citibank AirAsia credit card betrayed me! I applied it last month.. supposed to reach me by now. I called Citibank.. they gave me a tracking code. Called Pos Laju.. they said it was a wrong address. >.< WTF!!! I even got the pin number already. How could the address be wrong? WTF!!! Damn it! Pissed… already in bad mood.. this makes it worse.

Then… just got to know sister’s friend got into marriage dilemma. Both husband and wife quarrel.. now till the stage of divorcing. *sigh* Both also have equal responsibility on this. I wouldn’t side either one cuz sure both did/said something wrong which led to someone asking for a divorce. However, for me, I would only comment this. Marriage is not for you to play around. Both of you have known each other for so long before you two decided to step on the aisle and proceed for the next level of your life. Then you want a baby. Fine. But after having baby, sure life wouldn’t get easier. You will have to face more things. Like financially you will need more money for the 3 of you. Transportation, accommodation, food, etc. All involve money. Then for sure there will be quarrel. Well.. everyone knows about this. This is how you deal with it. If you can’t, then don’t even think of getting married/having a baby. It is a HUGEEEEE responsibility where not many people can take it. I couldn’t. At least not for now. I’m not ready to step into a marriage when I couldn’t even take care myself. Yes, unless I marry a super duper rich guy. That will be different story. But then, I will be worrying that he will cheat on me. That is another story. So forget about it.

What I’m trying to say is… if you are not ready, don’t commit. Don’t because everyone is doing it, and you just do it. Not because everyone has their partners/married, and you want a partner/wife/husband. Is not like this. It shouldn’t be like this. Love is so pure. Marriage as well. Even giving birth. There is so much courage needed to be in love, get married, giving birth. If you just think you want what others have, stop it. Stop what you are doing now cuz you are going to hurt yourself and others. If you are so selfish, then go F**K yourself. Don’t mess with people around you. They don’t deserve to be hurt cuz of you being an asshole.

Anyway, I do hope people can be more responsible on their life and their decision. Cuz once you are married, you have kids, then divorce will leave a mark in your kids’ hearts. You might be able to take it.. but not them. Yes, say me conservative. But I do feel that when you vow to love each other in front of the priest/God/guardian/witness, you shall mean what you have said. Don’t take marriage as a game.

Opps.. kinda on fire now.. sorry.. bit emo..supposed to talk about marriage then combine with another issue.. lol…

Repeatedly watch a HK series… cuz I watched first.. then when mom is now watching it.. I also watch with her.. lol.. inside the series, there was a quote “Out of difficulties, makes miracles”.. will there really be miracles after all the hardwork done? Will there even be one? I wish someone can tell. At least some good news. But.. with the time passing by… I feel the chances of miracles happening is becoming lesser and lesser.

I just need a reason to be happy. And it must be “that” reason. *sigh*

P/S: I just coloured and high lite my hair. Choosen the effect similiar to #1. Just that my base colour is dark red. Love it! Love the technique the stylist used for my high lite… =D