Been experiencing some turbulence over the few months. Things weren’t moving like I’m expecting it would. Well.. I have been telling myself that I need to pray hard… yes I do! I woke up 6am every Sunday just to go for my weekly prayers at the usual Indian temple I went.

But… I don’t know whether it is God doesn’t hear my calls.. or he thought of another better route for me cuz the one I have chosen not the right one… he lead me to the other path of my life… a new start for me… yes, either HIS way or my way.. it will be a new start…

Now, I guess HE has shown HIS way and I have taken his guide to move on my life with it… will it be a smart choice?

Image source: http://digital-photography-school.com

Will there be rainbows waiting for me as the end result? I hope it is… at least there is hope for me. Rather some disappointment before everything even started…

*sigh*… very nervous yet excited to start a new life… not that I’m not good in adapting myself. Just that… when you are used to what you have and what you do daily, you are scared of a change. And I guess I’m scared too!

Decision has been made and there is no turning back.. definitely! Harsh words have been blurted out and they have hurt the people around me.. not an apology word can replace the hurtful moment. Guess I have been too emotional when I speak out…

Anyway, let’s forget the unhappy moment. Just think of the happy ones. I’m counting down on the new change, my new life now. I should be happy of the decision I have made cuz I’m responsible on the decision of my life. Well… at least mom was happy and I’m happy that she is happy She is always the support of my life. For whatever I do, for whatever decision I have made, I will still follow what she want…. except… marrying someone of her choice and not mine! I know she always want the best for me. I’m like the gem of her life… except now got Darren to replace me d >.< This also reminds me of my conversation with her that day… I said she pampered Darren too much and she doesn’t even care for me anymore. She asked “You jealous a?” lol… ya.. I’m jealous over my own nephew or should I say my own child?

Nothing can buy the smile on my mom’s face… I’ll be good. I’ll be very good. Guess she won be worrying this and that with my this decision.

Stay tuned on me revealing my decision of life!

Just a stupid feeling I have now… so don’t continue reading this post if you don’t want to be seen as an idiot

A lot of times, what you wish is not what you get… and you cannot force your way to get what you want…

Like:

1. I want to be rich… obviously I can’t force my way to be rich right? A NO here.

2. I want to be slim… erm… can force my way la.. maybe can succeed.. but need determination…A PLUS

3. I want to have Robert Pattinson as my man.. obviously CANNOT oso ma! He is with Kristen Stewart now (According to the paparazzi ) A NO!

Anyway… what I want to say today is that… there is no boundaries in love. You can meet your loved one and fall for him/her just instantly… but no1 shall/could stop you from being with that person. Unless you/him/her don’t want it… right?

And definitely, if a relationship doesn’t work out… you also cannot force your way to be together.. things won’t back to normal and sure they will be more argument coming up…

AND if there isn’t any relationship at all, as in both of you are just friends… you have some feel… he/she might has some feel … but after sometime… things might change… You guys don’t hang out anymore… you are wondering why… there is no why… just get the hint and move on… why want to force to be with someone who doesn’t like you? who doesn’t appreciate you?

No one can force into a relationship… you can’t force someone to be with you.. you can’t force someone to marry you (unless you have billions and he/she has no reason to reject)… the most important, you can’t force someone to love you….

So.. don’t force people doing what they don’t want.

The end.

As usual, every year we will go Kek Lok Si during Chinese New Year… and the traffic got worse each year. I really wonder why.. cuz everyone wants to go up and see the Guan Yin stand? Normal days cannot go up one meh? Need to wait CNY? cis… but I think only CNY the lights open till late night… which is super pretty no matter you see it from far or near…

I’m able to get the nice side view of the Guan Yin stand from my house.. which  my house is blessed by the Guan Yin according to one Indian sami. lol… well.. I do hope that

Anyway, went up there with family on the last week before sis went back… lucky when we went up not that jam.. but when we went down.. the line was super long!! Gosh! Paiseh.. no time snap pic of the jam cuz I needed to take care baby… he was fighting for a seat with me in the car … lol…

Pictures time!

#1:

#2:

#3:

#4:

#5:

>> Requested baby to smile.. he made his cheeky face.. >.<

#6:

#7:

#8 & #9:

>> The lights were really really beautiful… sooo niceeeee

#10:

#11:

>> Made his cheeky face again >.<

#12:

>> Yay! Finally saw Darren’s father in action.. lol… he was giving Darren coins to put in the earn..

#13:

#14:

#15:

>> See he was soooo happy!

#16:

#17:

#18:

>> Bro-in-law and sister under the love tree… I name it as “love tree” cuz they chose that tree to snap pic

#19:

>> Last but not least… a happy family @ Kek Lok Si to mark the memorandum night Baby kept moving.. super hard to snap.. even morning already hard.. not to say at night..

Went home around 10pm… meet up friend for supper

Wonder why didn’t see me in any of the pictures? Cuz I’m super tired after work + with no make up on = super ugly… so I didn’t want to show my ugly face Anyway, I was busy being the photographer of my sis and baby that night.. my usual part-time job for my family 

p/s: All pictures taken by my Nikon D60 and Sony TX1… hehe… I know I’m not pro la.. snap not that nice.. but still ok right?

Got a sweet surprise before CNY… it was a package from Citylink.. but no one was home to pick up the parcel.. so they sent a card.. I have asked sister to pick up for me before CNY.. but she kept delaying it… cis…

She picked it up after CNY… it was a really sweet surprise cuz I have never thought of winning this.. lol.. I also forgotten when I entered the contest.. lol…

When sis got it.. she told me she wanted to have one for baby… =__=|| ok la… I also not going to use it.. lol…

Tada!

In the letter, it said that I got the consolation prize. lol… actually I joined the contest of Eco Tupperware… just write a simple slogan.. lol.. never thought so easy one…

Anyway, baby chosen the Chocolate water tumbler – Lion… I left with 3 water tumbler .. don’t know what to do with it. Hmm……Reserve the green one for friend.

Anyone wants? Le me know

Lots to prepare before Chinese New Year as usual… however, this year I need to work half day on Saturday… and since all of us support from home… I requested a different shift from my manager.. lol.. need to rush for last minutes CNY which is….

hair treatment for a shiny and healthy hair before Chinese New Year and also my touch up for nails.. lol..

My hair looks like this now:

>> Can’t really see the red colour.. lol…it is actually red base and high-lite… and I don’t feel it is really shinning.. but mom said yes my hair do looks skinnier… ok.. felt better now after spent RM 84 for the “I’ll shine” treatment.. =D

My sexy nails.. mom said too sharp d.. but I like it cuz it is sharp enough.. don’t want the usual soft colour.. lol…

>> Well… the cost of my manicure & pedicure is RM 85… touch up for my is FOC! So happy that it is FOC… lol…. =D anyway… my fingers and toes are soooooo dry so just look at my colour enough ya? I really like the colour… so niceeee

Got myself a few Chinese New Year clothes & accessories:

1. Forever 21 tops – RM 90

>> Image source from Forever21.com – Jewel Accent Feather Top

2. Forever 21 Sweater – RM 109

>> Can’t find it from their website. have to snap the pic myself

3. Gap jeans – RM 259

>> Image Source from Gap.com – Real Straight Jeans (Dark Wash)

3. My high heels from Step – RM 72 after discount

>> Nice.. finally found one shoe that really fits me.. there is one phrase which I feel is very true.. “Good shoe is hard to find like a good bf”.. lol….

4. Misc tops I got from KL:

>> Most I got it from F.O.S and the Elle tops is discounted one. lol…missed out one white colour tops.. lasy ps it d..

5. Bottoms I got from Elle & F.O.S as well… can’t remember the price thou .. lol…

6. Misc accessories … some I got it from night market.. some from Parkson Gurney…

>> This is the one I love most is also the most expensive .. cost me RM 39 for one bracelet =___=||| Got it from Island Shop from Parkson Gurney

7. Spent around RM 220 for my inner wear… which cost a big hole in my pocket… the most expensive I have ever spent for my inner wear… >.< But no pic for you all

8. Fila sport shoe I got from DFO Spencer Melbourne, Australia when I was on my holiday there last September 09 – RM 180

>> I found the shoe lace very long.. don’t really like it…might cut it shorter.. lol…

9. My new Billabong handbag I got from Perth last year.. should be less than RM 60.. forgot already.. lol…damn cheap … if I get it from here sure > RM 100 d…

>> A good match with my heels… cool!

Advice to everyone, better get your new clothes few months earlier cuz you can’t find any suitable ones when it is near Chinese New Year. I wanted to find one extra tops and short pants also couldn’t … actually saw one short pants from Element.. Rm 79… but no more size… sad…. but good also.. save my money.. cuz I really got a super big hole in my pocket d… sad…. *cry*

Anyway… I’m so happy now…. cuz I got a new toy to play with – SONY TX1 in Silver colour!!!! I love the small size of this compact camera… and also it’s leather white pouch… damn cool! Now I don’t have to worry not able to bring my big bulky Nikon D60 out already… this is definitely not a replacement for D60… but.. it comes in handy when I’m out with my girly attire

Happy happy…

Updates on my unhappy mood: I have to forget about it.. start everything from zero now.. got to be more hardworking.. it is a brand new year… got to wish for the best and fight for my dreams!

P/S: Another happy news….  my best friend coming to find me during this CNY… purposely fly over..hahah… miss her soo much!!! Will have updates on that soon.. cuz she won’t be here till end of Feb 2010.. lol!

Happy Chinese New Year and Valentine to everyone!

This just another pictureless + long blog… don’t continue reading if you can’t stand reading essay

It has been a while since I last updated my blog.. again!!! OMG! I have nothing to update for 1 week… *sigh*.. well.. I do.. just that there are so many things I can’t just blog it out. When we grow older, we can’t just utter irresponsible words and be blunt  whenever we want, when we want. There are consequences of doing so. I’m not saying that it will hurt others’ feelings cuz it is all mainly about me… but is more like creating rumours/gossips/bring more trouble to me than solutions. *sigh* so.. better keep my mouth sealed…

Been super emo this few weeks.. Chinese New Year is around the corner.. sister is coming back tomorrow… done with my new hair style, fingernails… but all these didn’t cheer me up.. cuz emotionally I’m distracted. I’m waiting for just one good news. One great news to kick start my year 2010. It is so intensed that I have dreams everyday, every night, every time I close my eyes to rest/nap/sleep. Yes, I’m in depression. Serious one. For those who are close to me, they know what happened to me. But I doubt they know things have been so serious in me. Well.. so serious till I can’t sleep. Yes I do sleep. But I couldn’t have the feeling that I have ever slept at all. Just feel tiredness in me. =___=||| How I wish I could have one dreamless night? How I wish I could have one good news now? It is just a small request. But… I still haven’t received it.

Things aren’t going pretty well for me… well… not in my thought… I do want to have positive thinking.. but.. there is really nothing to cheer me up. Even my stupid new Citibank AirAsia credit card betrayed me! I applied it last month.. supposed to reach me by now. I called Citibank.. they gave me a tracking code. Called Pos Laju.. they said it was a wrong address. >.< WTF!!! I even got the pin number already. How could the address be wrong? WTF!!! Damn it! Pissed… already in bad mood.. this makes it worse.

Then… just got to know sister’s friend got into marriage dilemma. Both husband and wife quarrel.. now till the stage of divorcing. *sigh* Both also have equal responsibility on this. I wouldn’t side either one cuz sure both did/said something wrong which led to someone asking for a divorce. However, for me, I would only comment this. Marriage is not for you to play around. Both of you have known each other for so long before you two decided to step on the aisle and proceed for the next level of your life. Then you want a baby. Fine. But after having baby, sure life wouldn’t get easier. You will have to face more things. Like financially you will need more money for the 3 of you. Transportation, accommodation, food, etc. All involve money. Then for sure there will be quarrel. Well.. everyone knows about this. This is how you deal with it. If you can’t, then don’t even think of getting married/having a baby. It is a HUGEEEEE responsibility where not many people can take it. I couldn’t. At least not for now. I’m not ready to step into a marriage when I couldn’t even take care myself. Yes, unless I marry a super duper rich guy. That will be different story. But then, I will be worrying that he will cheat on me. That is another story. So forget about it.

What I’m trying to say is… if you are not ready, don’t commit. Don’t because everyone is doing it, and you just do it. Not because everyone has their partners/married, and you want a partner/wife/husband. Is not like this. It shouldn’t be like this. Love is so pure. Marriage as well. Even giving birth. There is so much courage needed to be in love, get married, giving birth. If you just think you want what others have, stop it. Stop what you are doing now cuz you are going to hurt yourself and others. If you are so selfish, then go F**K yourself. Don’t mess with people around you. They don’t deserve to be hurt cuz of you being an asshole.

Anyway, I do hope people can be more responsible on their life and their decision. Cuz once you are married, you have kids, then divorce will leave a mark in your kids’ hearts. You might be able to take it.. but not them. Yes, say me conservative. But I do feel that when you vow to love each other in front of the priest/God/guardian/witness, you shall mean what you have said. Don’t take marriage as a game.

Opps.. kinda on fire now.. sorry.. bit emo..supposed to talk about marriage then combine with another issue.. lol…

Repeatedly watch a HK series… cuz I watched first.. then when mom is now watching it.. I also watch with her.. lol.. inside the series, there was a quote “Out of difficulties, makes miracles”.. will there really be miracles after all the hardwork done? Will there even be one? I wish someone can tell. At least some good news. But.. with the time passing by… I feel the chances of miracles happening is becoming lesser and lesser.

I just need a reason to be happy. And it must be “that” reason. *sigh*

P/S: I just coloured and high lite my hair. Choosen the effect similiar to #1. Just that my base colour is dark red. Love it! Love the technique the stylist used for my high lite… =D

Felt like posting a mandarin blog. For those who don’t understand, please translate it yourself

I’m not english ed person. In fact I studied at least 13 yrs of mandarin. But my mandarin still sucks. pardon me. I really couldn’t understand the quotes, whatever old chinese language’s meaning.. I’m so damn lucky to have my mandarin pass in my high school government exams – SPM aka Sijil Pengajian Tinggi.

Ok. Cut the english crap.. start my mandarin crap now…

我很不开心。很不甘心。很讨厌自己。为何我不能做我想做的事？为何付出的成果， 却得不到我想要的回报？难道我所做的不够吗？我该再努力一点吗？

难道上天就不能眷顾我的付出呢？难道奇迹就不回发生在我的身上吗？为何就那么难呢？

很讨厌两头不到岸的感觉。。很讨厌无助的感觉。。。和讨厌没人明白的感觉。。。

非常。十分。的。讨厌我自己！

如果可以结束我的生命，不必再那么烦。可是，如果我有勇气结束她，为何我没勇气活得更好？我想一定很多人会这样劝我。

很无助。真的很累了。不想再想了。：（

Alright… done for my one and only mandarin post… really too emo d… :’(

Don’t know what to blog… really in very deep shit mood lately … can’t think of something happy to blog… *sigh*

But anyway, Chinese New Year is around the corner. 2 more weeks .. 2 more weeks!!! Bloody hell! I didn’t get my new tops yet!!! And I only have one jeans! That jeans also bought in Australia … gosh!! Want to die d…

I’m supposed to change my new look every year… this year I have postponed it till now and I haven’t done any changes… cuz no money!!! Arghhhh!!! I have made my appointment for my new hairdo in one of the hair studio… I love there… cuz is cheap.. I opt for Junior Stylist and the service is quite good. Wash + cut only RM 22. Best is, it is in Queensbay Mall, Penang! Well.. I know I’m cheapo… opt for Junior Stylist only… wei! Very expensive if go for Senior/Pro stylist ler. One head RM 50/60… faint… If I got rich husband then I can do that.. else.. no money no talk Oh! The hair salon’s name is D’trend.

Then…. supposedly I want to do straightening + colour + high-light.. which cost almost RM 500 in this salon… >.< Since I just mentioned I got no money (Reason of me being broke might be posted after CNY… also depends on my mood ) … so I choose to go for colour + high-light only.. that also cost me RM 265 =___=||| Why girl’s hairdo so expensive one?!

I’m still thinking what colour to choose… then I googled some colours I would prefer:

1.

>> I like this.. but can’t see the high-light

2.

>> Like this as well.. but too bright.. don’t know after 1 week will be what colour

3.

>> Erm… this is the most common colour… which I don’t really like..

Image source: becomegorgeous.com

Which colour I should go for? Let me know ya!

Oh! Appointment for hairdo has been made.. stay tuned for my latest look after 6-Feb-2010!

Ok… back to my CNY clothes… *sigh*… haven’t gotten any nice tops a.. except t-shirt Then that day went to Forever 21… tried 9 pieces of tops… like one sweater .. RM 109.. quite warm one… and it is in burgundy … didn’t buy any one first round… went to Kitschen .. also tried 9 pieces of tops… found one one piece skirt.. blue and white flower print.. quite nice… RM 79.90.. discount 20% which will be RM 63.90… BUT it cannot match with the new shoe I bought.. *sigh*

After much consideration, I went back to Forever 21 to get the burgundy sweater.. love it! That is also why I have burnt a big hole in my pocket… *cry*

Oh! Btw, the new shoe I got for my CNY is this:

>> To be honest, it is really hard for me to find a shoe suits me… don’t know my fashion sense too good or too bad.. I’m just a picky person when it comes to my attire

>> I just love this new shoe! Tho it is not like the one I saw in SG… which I couldn’t find it back in Malaysia.. *damn sad for this*… but lucky I can still find one suitable one..

Alright, that’s pretty much about it for this time.. will update you all when I have got my tops/new clothes

P/S: I went to check out the nail price… turned out nail extension cost me RM 110 (Cheapest in QB) .. which does not include nail art… then if I want to use fake finger nails, which is called full tips.. that will depend on the nail art design I choose.. which will also cost RM 60++ .. this also doesn’t include manicure!!! OMFG!!!! I better die suak d…all also money money money!!! Arghhh!!!

Yes, I know. I’m been real bad mood lately. After this post, I still haven’t really recharged to the Ivy before… *sigh*

I can’t sleep well lately. I’m really really tired everyday cuz I don’t sleep well. For God’s sake, I need my rest. I go to bed at 9-10pm everyday… but still I feel so tired every day when my alarm rings. Gosh! Reason behind? I keep having dreams… like tons of it. Countless. And worst still, I can’t remember any of it! Arghhh!!!

How can I get a dreamless night? I’m really tired mentally and physically. What can I do to refresh myself from all these sleepless nights?

A friend asked me, if it cuz of work pressure? Do I get sleepless night after I start to work? Erm… not really. It just happened lately. Even Sunday I’m not working, I still have dreams on Saturday night… =____=|||

What happen??!!

If you ask me take a break… erm… I have been taking break whenever I clock out from work. I don’t talk about my work back home. I don’t touch anything related to my work. So … why am I still dreaming so much?

*sigh* Will I go crazy soon? I hope not.   But if situation doesn’t get better, I think I will

Most of the time I have bad dreams. Like I was chased by something or someone which required me to run a lot. Damn tired la!

I want dreamless night please!

I know I have been MIA (Missing-In-Action) for so long… not in the mood of posting blog… cuz I have got 2 blogs that need to PS (photoshop) lots of photos.. lol… lazy..

Hmm… this is just my thought after spending my first 19 days in 2010.

Wasn’t in very good mood since 2010 started… missing Missy very much. Hope she is doing fine where ever she is right now. Tho we still chat online, talk crap, but it is different compared to talking to her face-to-face. *sigh*

Then another best friend… had a quarrel with her on 2009… things should have been resolved by now.. but.. the sense of closeness isn’t there anymore… last time when in UNI, she was in Penang and I was in KL… we still talked a lot… but now.. both of us are in Penang … our houses are just within driving distance.. so close yet the feeling are drifted so far apart.. *sigh*… Yes I understand when you break a glass and you try to fix it… no matter how good you fix it.. the scar is still there… *sigh*… Think of it also makes my eyes fill with tears…. :’( Tho we still chat, meet up once in awhile.. but… the feeling is different. I felt she doesn’t tell me things anymore. *sigh* Am I thinking too much again? Aiks…

Work… as usual.. I won’t blog much about my work… I can just *sigh*

Is 2010 a good year for me? I really hope so. I do hope what I want can be achieved. I do hope what I don’t want can stay far far away from me. I didn’t set my new year resolution cuz I know I will forget it right after the blog is posted… what is the point of making a new year resolution when you will never put it in mind? I bet everyone does the same.. but no one really sticks to it.

For what ever I have missed or done wrong in 2009, I will make it right this time. Don’t want to waste my time. I don’t have much time anyway. Life is short to just simply waste it!

I have only one wish in 2010. Really sincerely hope that my dream will come true. I have been praying very hard and really hope for the best. Just hope that I can fulfill my dream.

Sounded a sad post.. hmm… need to cut my negative all away.. Cheers mate!

May everyone have a good start in 2010! Cheers!