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Unhappy :(

I’m not happy… very unhappy..


not that I got too much work load… is just that I hope I can get more work load with better guidance… now… i’m like d boring Ivy… doing nothing everyday… even I have things to do.. i need to wait for my senior to guide me… and she… is a kinda scary person… she is very very cool… I believed she is very hard to mingle with.. but she is the kinda person once you get well with her then is ok d… but now… she’s like a super cool person to me… even when she guide me on my work… I felt scared on her… I dare not ask her things… plus this few days I wasn’t in good mood (ya ya.. i admit is my own fault also…) *sigh*… that time I accepted this job cuz I thought I can OT till 9pm everyday.. but after few weeks being here… I still can go bac home at 5pm… erm… can’t go back zun zun… but… I still gets to go back early… I want to work OT!!!  not cuz of the money… but I want to keep myself busy… so that I wouldn’t have much time to think of any stupid things… things that the man don’t want me to think… things that I myself don’t want to think…


I do want to learn as fast as I can… but like I said… d last few days I wasn’t in good mood… a lot has happened and I cannot control my emotion… I let myself down… and I even continue letting myself down… I can only use cry to release my tension… worse still… I even find Sher to cry to… I don’t know why.. I’m tired of crying alone… so I went to her that day… just to borrow her shoulder for me to cry…


She said I looks very different… totally not like me… I don’t have the cheerful look on my face anymore… *sigh*… I also want to get back the cheerful me… but I’m an emotional person… anything related to feelings will affect me… like so much… thou I might look like a very independent person.. but when it comes to love/relationship, I’m a weak person. I let my emotion over take me… I know I shouldn’t be like this… *sigh*


All I really want right now is that I’m able to adapt to my new job… I don’t want to be like this… I felt the pressure of knowing nothing… but I just don’t know how to learn what I should in a short period of time without people guiding me…but… it is just not easy to learn in a short period of time… just hope I can adapt myself asap…

April 22, 2010   6 Comments

Dedicated post to my beloved dad

Suddenly it crossed my mind to blog about daddy… it’s been years since I talk about him openly… well.. I do blogged about him here but not that direct…


So… lets make an official post for daddy… Mom reminded me that I need to go pray dad d… on Chinese Calendar April… cuz is Tomb Sweeping Day again…


>> My daddy handsome or not ? 😛


Thought of daddy now…


The images of daddy were somehow blur in my mind now already… it’s been 18 years… not a long time… but not a short period as well… btw, I don’t have a very good memory on things… so… I can’t remember well…


Anyway, in my mind, daddy always the one pampered me most… what I want will always be fulfilled by him… to me… he is the perfect dad… but I can’t really remember much of him cuz I only have 10 years memory with him…


To me… daddy was the best man ever… he loved me… took care of me… pampered me so much that it makes sister jealous 😛 He was a very tall man.. handsome I would say.. with a built up body.. that is also why mom fell for him.. lol… he was a very funny man… know sweet talks to mom.. another reason mom fell for daddy… 😛


He cared for his friends very much as well… he was a fish lover… we used to have a big fish tank at home…he was good in almost everything… from car, machine, furniture to every tiny items at home… he build his own computer table out of metals… we still kept that table till today… it was used as our dining table (put our water tumbler, milo, cups, bread, misc items.. ) … he was a very good driver with excellent driving skills…which he used to complaint bout mom’s driving skills sucks … lol..


So much of good memories when I thought of him… really miss him a lot… and when it comes to this stage…naturally my tears started to appear in my eyes … *sigh*…


I always wonder… how my life is going to be if daddy was still here? How will my family ended up? History will be changed forever……. we won’t be moving to Penang and everything happened here will not be in place at all… I won’t be meeting all of my friends ….


Well… I never plan to look back on my past… I know it was a past… a past only to remember it in heart…


I just wish to hold you tightly in my heart for you are the strength to my survival…


I love you and will always miss you daddy 🙂


Finally.. last but not least.. the one and only family picture we have until today:


>> Omfg! I was so tiny back then 😛 I believed I were 8 or 9 years old 🙂

March 18, 2010   8 Comments

世事难于预料

Image source: http://www.abc.net.au


真的从来没想过我的一个决定会让我有得有失的。
一切来得很突然, 像乌云满天的。。。


得到了我要找的未来,和好姐妹的感情也好很多了,跟同事的感情也好多了。。


可是,却因为这决定而失去另一断三年的友情, 也有可能被人在背后说我的坏话。


值得吗?


我可以大大声地说:很值得!不是因失去了三年友情,而是我很久都没
因为一个决定而这么开心过了。那种发自内心的开心。


说我没想要这样的结果是骗人的。我要!很很高兴我的选择。 很期待一个新的人生的到来! 我相信天也会放晴的!


Image source: http://farm1.static.flickr.com

March 13, 2010   No Comments

Things don’t go as everyone wish

Just a stupid feeling I have now… so don’t continue reading this post if you don’t want to be seen as an idiot 😛


A lot of times, what you wish is not what you get… and you cannot force your way to get what you want…


Like:


1. I want to be rich… obviously I can’t force my way to be rich right? A NO here.


2. I want to be slim… erm… can force my way la.. maybe can succeed.. but need determination…A PLUS


3. I want to have Robert Pattinson as my man.. obviously CANNOT oso ma! He is with Kristen Stewart now (According to the paparazzi 😛 ) A NO!


Anyway… what I want to say today is that… there is no boundaries in love. You can meet your loved one and fall for him/her just instantly… but no1 shall/could stop you from being with that person. Unless you/him/her don’t want it… right?


And definitely, if a relationship doesn’t work out… you also cannot force your way to be together.. things won’t back to normal and sure they will be more argument coming up…


AND if there isn’t any relationship at all, as in both of you are just friends… you have some feel… he/she might has some feel … but after sometime… things might change… You guys don’t hang out anymore… you are wondering why… there is no why… just get the hint and move on… why want to force to be with someone who doesn’t like you? who doesn’t appreciate you?


No one can force into a relationship… you can’t force someone to be with you.. you can’t force someone to marry you (unless you have billions and he/she has no reason to reject)… the most important, you can’t force someone to love you….


So.. don’t force people doing what they don’t want.


The end. 😛

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March 8, 2010   5 Comments