I’m not happy… very unhappy..

not that I got too much work load… is just that I hope I can get more work load with better guidance… now… i’m like d boring Ivy… doing nothing everyday… even I have things to do.. i need to wait for my senior to guide me… and she… is a kinda scary person… she is very very cool… I believed she is very hard to mingle with.. but she is the kinda person once you get well with her then is ok d… but now… she’s like a super cool person to me… even when she guide me on my work… I felt scared on her… I dare not ask her things… plus this few days I wasn’t in good mood (ya ya.. i admit is my own fault also…) *sigh*… that time I accepted this job cuz I thought I can OT till 9pm everyday.. but after few weeks being here… I still can go bac home at 5pm… erm… can’t go back zun zun… but… I still gets to go back early… I want to work OT!!!  not cuz of the money… but I want to keep myself busy… so that I wouldn’t have much time to think of any stupid things… things that the man don’t want me to think… things that I myself don’t want to think…

I do want to learn as fast as I can… but like I said… d last few days I wasn’t in good mood… a lot has happened and I cannot control my emotion… I let myself down… and I even continue letting myself down… I can only use cry to release my tension… worse still… I even find Sher to cry to… I don’t know why.. I’m tired of crying alone… so I went to her that day… just to borrow her shoulder for me to cry…

She said I looks very different… totally not like me… I don’t have the cheerful look on my face anymore… *sigh*… I also want to get back the cheerful me… but I’m an emotional person… anything related to feelings will affect me… like so much… thou I might look like a very independent person.. but when it comes to love/relationship, I’m a weak person. I let my emotion over take me… I know I shouldn’t be like this… *sigh*

All I really want right now is that I’m able to adapt to my new job… I don’t want to be like this… I felt the pressure of knowing nothing… but I just don’t know how to learn what I should in a short period of time without people guiding me…but… it is just not easy to learn in a short period of time… just hope I can adapt myself asap…